i'm sure it's been tens to hundreds of dollars over of the years on tickets to shows that i didn't go to the day of. if i had actually bought tickets to the ones i thought i was going to the number would be higher. i have a hard time with anxiety when it comes to doing things outside of my comfort zone - and sometimes when it comes to doing things in my comfort. zone admittedly. it's a work in progress over many years and some days are better than others.
i play out at least once a month with my band brake run. we have a good time playing, yes, but more importantly i have a great time watching other bands. i used to do it all of the time back in high school and college. it was an event to go to a place like mr. smalls or spirit or even someone's basement and watch bands of all sizes and stature within the scene rip great sets. i met a lot of people too, and even if i didn't speak to a soul besides the person running door it was still a great time.
but somewhere along the way i lost the drive to do that more frequently and it sucks. i want to be adventurous again and rock out to great music but it's always easier to stay home at the end of the work day. so i try to lock myself in by buying tickets. but even then it's still easier - most of the shows i want to go to are relatively low cost anyways - to ditch it before doors. maybe one day i'll figure it out & be able to be more social and energetic again. but for now i shout as loud as i can where i am and try to be more outgoing at the shows i do attend.
p.s. if you've played a show and i've not shown up when i said i would i'm sorry, it's not personal - anxiety wouldn't let me out the door. or sometimes out the parking lot.